Obesity, depression, and financial problems affect millions of people worldwide. Luckily, there is a cure for these detrimental aspects in life. The answer is extra-curricular activities. Although many parents do not encourage participation in extra-curricular activities, they are a positive aspect of students' school experiences because students will reap health, intellectual, and social benefits. Children who do not participate in extra-curricular activities are less likely to obtain these life changing benefits.
Extra-curricular activities help to lead a healthy lifestyle whether it involves lifting weights, participating in team activities, or even walking every day. When watching a sports team in school, there is not one student who is not trying to maintain a more healthy way of life. A more physical approach on life is key to attaining health and overall balance. It centers the body’s chi. When the body is left dormant for long periods of time, weight is put on and eventually obesity can set in. Obesity is an ever occurring dilemma, a disease if you will, in today’s society. Although, with the partaking of extra-curricular activities, it is sure to be a problem no longer.
The intellectual side of the activities aid in numerous ways. For starters, students gain an upper hand on college and job applications. College boards review everything about you, looking for a well-rounded student that sticks out among the rest for their campus. Students also apply for scholarships that have similar criteria, finding out all about the student and their lifestyle. Those with a higher abundance of extra-curricular activities and good grades (the well-rounded students) are chosen for various amounts of money to put towards their education. Extra-curricular activities give such an advantage to students that it is almost unfair. Studies have shown that students who participate in extra-curricular activities are more likely to pay attention in class and thus, do well in school. These studies have also shown that activities can prove to be an anti-drug/alcohol.
The social benefits are seen with the amount of involvement with other people with like interests. Extra-curricular activities are a great way to make new friends and broaden new horizons. In Alaska, depression is eminent with the 24-hour darkness and the severe cold. It may seem impossible to sneak by Jack Frost without him whistling the tune to your winter solstice blues, but this is not the case when involved in an extra-curricular activity. Involvement in activities keeps the mind and body in check. Depression is less likely to occur when students are involves in extra-curricular activities as studies have shown.
People who are active, involved, and social are more likely to do better in school and in life altogether. Extra-curricular activities give students a way to express themselves, gain a healthy lifestyle, meet new people, and go further in life. The body is in a balance, you are healthy, excelling in school, and making more friends than ever thought possible. This is due to extra-curricular activities. When parents do not encourage their children to apply themselves to activities, they are severely deprived and less likely to obtain the life changing health, social, and intellectual benefits.
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Your audience is parents who may not be encouraging participation in extra-curricular activies, and children who are not yet motivated to participate in extra-curricular
activites. A large majority of the parents will agree, but still a small portion will have an arguement. I can see this because although many parents may not be actively encouraging extra-curricular activites, they don't see more negative effects than positive. If they do, though, they will be part of the small portion that would argue against
your thesis.
You have three supporting reasons; extra-curricular activies are a postive aspect of students school experiences because they will reap health, intellectual, and social
benefits. Your reasons are clearly stated in your thesis statement, but I would change intellectual to educational.
You didn't bring up any of the reasons that parents might not encourage their children to participate in extra-curricular activites. Your essay could potentionally be stronger if
you brought up one or two of the most common reasons that parents don't push these activies. Maybe some parents think that when their children aren't interested in sports that it is substantial to just keep them eating healthier foods? You might want to bring up that a lot of parents may believe that because their child is working so hard in school to keep above average grades, that they don't have the time to participate in activies outside of school, and that their excelling grades will be sufficient for college.
Each paragraph depicts one of the three points you stated in your thesis. The transitions between paragraph two and three, and between three and four, could potentially be improved with ending sentences that tie more into the beginning of the next paragraph. This is difficult however and is not completely necessary to improve your essay.
Your organization is great, but maybe it could be put in this order instead. For me, the health and social benefits have more in common, so I would put them one after another; ...students will reap health, social, and educational benefits. This way in the first paragraph you can promptly address a counter arguement, in the second paragraph you an choose whether or not you feel its necessary, and in the third paragraph you can really slam your point in with later counter arguement that I presented
earlier.
I enjoyed your introduction because it pulled me right into the point of the essay without any fluff. You could always jazz up the intro with a flashier first sentence; perhaps a statistic, or a quote that has relevance to your thesis statement. Your conclusion was also concise and it wrapped things up nicely!
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